It Just Came To Pieces In My Hands

Too tired to think, let alone write something even remotely clever.

The treatments got me down today. I hurt all over and I can't sleep due to today's chemo.

For those of you who are asking for some tunes besides Weller.............I added The Style Council [Hah!]

Heavy Soul

Some new tunes....I thought it time to rip up the pages.

Enjoy!

Yesterday was expected to be my last dose of chemo via an IV. However, after meeting with Herr Doktor, he has decided to add (1) more round next Friday. This is because I still have, including today, 12 more rounds of Radiation and he wants to continue with the IV until the completion of Radiation.

As of July 7 I should be done with both chemo and radiation. Then, a 6 weeks stay until surgery can be scheduled around the last week of August. This I am dreading like nothing else I have ever encountered in my life. It's not the actual surgery I'm concerned with. It's the coming to grips with the fact that I will be without, what I feel, is a critical part of my body - MY ARSE! for the remainder of my life. HEAVY HEAVY stuff.

So at this point I am just counting the days until I can get off these hard core treatments. Then I will have at least 6 weeks to deal with the life long effects of surgery.

I have informed my boss that starting next Monday I will need to take time off from work, until further notice. I tried but, at this point, my body simply refuses to cooperate. I wanted to continue working so as to keep as normal of a life as possible, not to mention the financial impact of having the sole provider of a family of six without an income! But this is where my body is at at the moment and I have to accept it and deal with it as best as possible.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. A very Happy Fathers Day Dad.....and to all the [worthy] Fathers out there!

With much love and thanks for your continued support and prayers for our family.

C

This is a very special guest post by my oldest daughter Ashlin......

I don't know what to really write here besides life isn't fair sometimes. Me and my family have gone through allot in the past few short months. Struggles i didn't think would ever happen to us. But it is what it is and all we can do is take it in and work with it. I believe God has a reason for everything. He has a certain plan for each and everyone of us. And right now , this is his plan for us. My Dad got sick , for a reason. We don't know what that is. But God knows and he'll bring us all through it. You cant get through anything without the FAITH in God or the love of your family. No matter what happens you got to look past it and get through it TOGETHER. A family isn't an individual thing , its all of us put together. Blood is thicker than water. We just got to pray together and be strong together and everything will be okay. If everything isn't okay at the end , than its not the end. I love my family and would do anything for them. I know well get through this together. I love you Dad.


"Anything is possible if you have faith."
"If God puts us through it than he'll get us through it."

Ein Herzliches Willkommen

Here is a blog I've been writing., it's been so long in the making, I hope it's worth all the waiting.................

I find that more and more time passes between post. Something to be expected really, but I wish wasn't so. Therefore I humbly apologize, as I know your all on the edge of your seat, daily, waiting and praying for a new post!

Lets see.....I was last on about starting my chemo pills and radiation with the IV about to start. Yes. Well yesterday was in fact my 5th IV dose and it's not getting any easier I can tell you that.

Here's The Good News: (i know, I can't stop nicking lyrics!) I only have 1 more IV to go, next week. Then, so I'm told, I will be on holiday for 5-6 weeks with no radiation or chemo! Then they will take more test and determine if they want to go straight into surgery or another round of chemo & radiation. Me, I'm hoping to awaken from this nightmare and find it is all a bad, yes very bad dream.

Of late I had a chest port catheter inserted just over a week ago. An out patient procedure that was done, in the nick of time, for me to rush out of the operating room to Ashy's graduation! Then a quick dash back for a dose of radiation.

The next 3 days I found myself in hospital due to a fever of 104f! Not much fun until the Deloted kicked in - then it was nothing but a party! And some new Weller bootlegs thanks to my good mate Carl in Lincolnshire, UK (who has supplied your humble narrator with some of my most beloved disks). During my stay they found out that my newly inserted chest port was malfunctioning and that it would need replacing, so another 30 hours of fasting and a new port was installed.

A lot, I mean a boat load of things are taking place at the moment. My gaf is like a bee hive with a new swarm every 5 minutes. Thank god my Mum is here to help out. Poor thing. She has spent most of her vacation baby sitting the kids and myself. Including a 12 hour ER visit!

ShellB got to take Ashy to see The Offspring at Irvine Meadows. VIP AAA passes included courtesy of the band and best friend Connie (we love you Constance! - sorry I was unable to attend). So now at least with the kids out of school, Ashlin graduating and my chemo & radiation about to go on break for a few weeks, It looks like there is some potential for things to slow down and, hopefully, get back to some sort of normalcy. We'll see.

I've changed & added some new tunes so be sure to have your speakers on otherwise you'll miss some good ones. I hope to locate my copy of LB and the Dirty Girls doing Everybody's Got Something To Hide Accept For Me And My Monkey!

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Until next time be good my little droogs..............................

HB