I nicked that from the opening track to Peter Framptons fantastic album Frampton Comes Alive! Recorded (mostly) in San Franciso (couldn't resist).
April 15, 2009 marks the 12th anniversary of me and my misses.
Wow 12 years! It goes by so fast, yet again, it seems like forever that she has stood steadfast by my side. She has in fact been there since 1983. It wasn't until 1997 that I was, finally after much begging, able to convince her to make it official. But that's a love story for another occasion so I will stop, quickly, before I spoil the plot.
This year we were graced with 5 nights in San Francisco. What a great city. I'm re missed in remembering what an absolute gem of a city it is. The various cultures, the great sights and most of all the people! Yes, I do believe that, in years to come, good lord willing, we shall remember the people most of all. Not that we got to know any of them completely. After all, how well can you know someone after only 6 days? But it was their genuine graciousness that I'm sure will stand the test of time, to even my poor memory.
There are simply too many highlights to list. The dinners, the view from our hotel, oh that view. The walks up and down China Town and the Financial District. Joel, the concierge's concierge! Cosmin the bartender. Bumping into Paul Weller as I listened to his album HEAVY SOUL on my ModPod just hours before his show. Then there was the meeting of old friends for the very first time - ModJerry and Adlervan.
There were some tears and fears as we tried to forget, but knew in the back of our minds, that a full-on attack of the cancer that's contained within me, must be faced head on upon our immediate arrival back home. One can pretend, for only so long, that it doesn't exist before an innocent reminder brings the weight of it's reality crashing, heavily, back upon one's shoulders.
So now it's time to face Chemo, Radiation and at minimum 2 surgeries. But these are my cards (a full house I must admit) and I know that we will face each daily challenge head on. No matter how difficult the days ahead become, I will look back at my 12th wedding anniversary with great love for both the city and my bride!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Today is the day ShellB and I have to speak to our children about my cancer. To this point their knowledge has been very limited. They know only what we have told them thus far, and what their wondering minds have created. It will be a difficult time for us all I'm sure.
I recall a very trying time years ago when I first got my pilots license. A wise man, who I love dearly and respect more than anyone, suggested that ShellB and I sit down and write a letter to each of our kids in the event that something were to happen to us. He obviously didn't have much faith in my piloting skills! Whenever I'm facing a difficult task I reflect on how hard it was to write those letters. I liken today's event to be similar in nature.
I recall a very trying time years ago when I first got my pilots license. A wise man, who I love dearly and respect more than anyone, suggested that ShellB and I sit down and write a letter to each of our kids in the event that something were to happen to us. He obviously didn't have much faith in my piloting skills! Whenever I'm facing a difficult task I reflect on how hard it was to write those letters. I liken today's event to be similar in nature.
As You Lean Into The Light
Gentle Rain, here it comes again ratteling round your window....threatening pain.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
The Joy of Ignorance
April 2, 2009 is the end of my life as I've know it. After nearly 42 years of joy, sadness, love, hurt, euphoria & pain its over. Done. Finished. Kaput. It's odd really. Just over a week ago my wife and I were dining at our favorite Italian joint, Miceli's, enjoying a legendary restaurant, chatting with Charlie and owner Dave Miceli. Then, rather quickly, an impromptu stay at the Standard off the strip. Up till 4am enjoying the suite and the balcony. Oh yes, the balcony. Thank you very much Mrs. Bollocks! But I digress. I've rambled on and gotten completely off the point. Something I have often done, and no doubt, will certainly do again. So I ask, most humbly my dear droogs, that you bare with me when I relapse.
Having known people with various sorts of cancer, over the years, they have come up with a clever way of defining their lives into two seasons.... Pre-Cancer & Post-Cancer. For me April 1, 2009 will be the last day of my Pre-Cancer life. Yes, April Fool's Day. Having been a jokester my entire life, some will, almost certainly, say how appropriate! Now there is no way of knowing exactly when I became cancerous. Cantankerous?......now that's easy, July 8, 1967. Cancerous who knows? But what is certain April Fool's Day 2009 is the last day I ever lived in absolute and most joyful ignorance.
I've often wondered what it's like........the very moment in someones life........ when they find out they have The Big C, or any potentially terminal illness. For me, a life time lover of music, the sound was most horrific. Strange enough, it's wasn't the actual words, my doctor uttered......"we found a tumor.......and it's cancer" No. These were just words, or rather, very strange sounds bouncing around my Demerol saturated brain. It was the shriek.........God that awful shriek....... coming from my wife's lips that quickly, and most rudely, brought me out of the blessed Demerol Disco, where I had, just moments ago, been the VIP of VIP's. A most sobering sound. For me, the horror show running thru my beautiful brides thoughts were, without a doubt, the worst sound this music lover has ever heard.
The following day The Shriek was back with vengeance!! April 2, 2009 I was told I have colon cancer. Not exactly good news I'm afraid. But friends and family were quick to point out all the great progress that has been made in recent years towards surviving this disease. Great. Fantastic. Only one problem...........
April 3, 2009 I was, most politely, informed that I in fact have rectal cancer not colon cancer. Whats the difference you ask? I've no idea. I'm still trying to cope with the fact that I've been rudely bounced from the Demerol Disco. Being told I have rectal cancer rather than colon cancer is, to me, like asking if I would rather listen to RUSH or TWISTED SISTER! WHO CARES!!! They're both CRAP!! I HATE, LOATH & DESPISE THEM! Give me Paul Weller or The Who. But what I do know is that if I had to pick between colon or rectal I would take the former NOT the later. I've been told that rectal cancer is harder to treat successfully and has more, shall we say, unpleasant side effects that could be life long. So with the news that I might have to spend the rest of my life without my ass.............my wife lets loose with The Shriek, again.
April 4, 2009 I'm left wondering whats in store for me, my beautiful bride of 12 years and our four kinder. I'm sure there will be more joy, sadness, love, hurt, euphoria & pain. It goes without saying really. So I have decided to create this blog. To write about the never ending events and trials my family and I will travel together in the months or years to come. So to my beloved ShellB, Ashy, Tiffany, Brigitte & Bugsy I dedicate the remainder of my Post-Cancer life.
Having known people with various sorts of cancer, over the years, they have come up with a clever way of defining their lives into two seasons.... Pre-Cancer & Post-Cancer. For me April 1, 2009 will be the last day of my Pre-Cancer life. Yes, April Fool's Day. Having been a jokester my entire life, some will, almost certainly, say how appropriate! Now there is no way of knowing exactly when I became cancerous. Cantankerous?......now that's easy, July 8, 1967. Cancerous who knows? But what is certain April Fool's Day 2009 is the last day I ever lived in absolute and most joyful ignorance.
I've often wondered what it's like........the very moment in someones life........ when they find out they have The Big C, or any potentially terminal illness. For me, a life time lover of music, the sound was most horrific. Strange enough, it's wasn't the actual words, my doctor uttered......"we found a tumor.......and it's cancer" No. These were just words, or rather, very strange sounds bouncing around my Demerol saturated brain. It was the shriek.........God that awful shriek....... coming from my wife's lips that quickly, and most rudely, brought me out of the blessed Demerol Disco, where I had, just moments ago, been the VIP of VIP's. A most sobering sound. For me, the horror show running thru my beautiful brides thoughts were, without a doubt, the worst sound this music lover has ever heard.
The following day The Shriek was back with vengeance!! April 2, 2009 I was told I have colon cancer. Not exactly good news I'm afraid. But friends and family were quick to point out all the great progress that has been made in recent years towards surviving this disease. Great. Fantastic. Only one problem...........
April 3, 2009 I was, most politely, informed that I in fact have rectal cancer not colon cancer. Whats the difference you ask? I've no idea. I'm still trying to cope with the fact that I've been rudely bounced from the Demerol Disco. Being told I have rectal cancer rather than colon cancer is, to me, like asking if I would rather listen to RUSH or TWISTED SISTER! WHO CARES!!! They're both CRAP!! I HATE, LOATH & DESPISE THEM! Give me Paul Weller or The Who. But what I do know is that if I had to pick between colon or rectal I would take the former NOT the later. I've been told that rectal cancer is harder to treat successfully and has more, shall we say, unpleasant side effects that could be life long. So with the news that I might have to spend the rest of my life without my ass.............my wife lets loose with The Shriek, again.
April 4, 2009 I'm left wondering whats in store for me, my beautiful bride of 12 years and our four kinder. I'm sure there will be more joy, sadness, love, hurt, euphoria & pain. It goes without saying really. So I have decided to create this blog. To write about the never ending events and trials my family and I will travel together in the months or years to come. So to my beloved ShellB, Ashy, Tiffany, Brigitte & Bugsy I dedicate the remainder of my Post-Cancer life.
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